... enter comBATmode ...: Secrect lives of the "True Blood"-cast

Donnerstag, 21. Juni 2012

Secrect lives of the "True Blood"-cast

(to the German version)

I love the running gag with the Doppelgängers in HIMYM.
But as we all know, sometimes truth is stanger than fiction. Look-alikes in a Sitcom are funny
- characters in a vampire-TV-series leading double lives are... shocking!

As it´s common practice in "True Blood", I´ll show you some naked

... facts



Tara Campbell


Naomi Campbell, Tara Mae Thornton (Rutina Wesley) 


Successfully beat her way as a model, experimented with various drugs and was considered to be lost for quite some time.



Twofold Ryan


Ryan Reynolds, Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten)

He may not be shining in most situations, but he takes advantage of that. According to Heisenberg´s uncertainty principle, Ryan can either understand Kwanten effects, which would disable him to use them - or he can use them, without understanding how they work. 
Thick-wittedness is none of Ryan´s problems, allowing him to be in two different places at the same time (as long as he´s doing about the same thing at these places. For example: to hop between stars as Green Lantern, while hopping into bed with half of Bon Temps). 



 JarJarYette

Jar Jar Binks, Lafayette Reynolds (Nelsan Ellis)

Whether on Naboo or behind the pans: He polarizes because of his way of speaking, his choice of words and his (loco)motions. Lives true to the motto: None for all and all get strokes - in one or the other way.




Jessica Ham-Bit

Jessica Rabbit, Jessica Hamby (Deborah Ann Woll)

Female beefcake of the True Blood-ensemble. Rating: tasty chick! The one who framed Roger Rabbit years ago, and unfortunately is now ripping out the heart of young Hoyt. Maybe she´ll eat it, too. Who knows.
She´s still young, so she´s forgiven.



Sam Merlotte


Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell), Merlot

Descendant of French immigrates. Took over the American spelling and pronunciation of his surname, but - as a shapeshifter - still likes to appear as a bottle of French red wine. This way, nobody notices him still hanging around at his bar after work.
Seems this guy´s got no place to go.





Erna Paqunine

Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin), Ernest Borgnine

Fought in World War II. Became co-Pilot of the Airwolf later and is now - after a gender reassignment - working as a waitress at the "Merlott´s". Though being around 90 Jahre old, Erna keeps her juvenile charm by consuming "V" and occasional injections of Botox.





Naked Mole-Bill


Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer), Naked mole rat

special characteristics:


  • wrinkly skin
  • striking big chisel teeth (seperately moveable, grow lifelong)
  • very low respiration and metabolic rate
  • body temperature varys, depending on ambient temperatures
  • salty nutriment
  • extraordinarily long-living
  • skin feels no (very low) pain
  • "resistant" to cancer
  • Eusociality with a queen
  • highest known incest rate




Eric Northman

Surprise: Nothing bad to tell about Mr. Northman!
He´s the only one who seems to be upright and straight (well, not that straight - as all vampires in the series - but that´s o.k.).
Or maybe he´s just paying the right people. Can´t believe that he doesn´t wanna do bad things with you.



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Bonus supporting character:



Pamger


Pamela Douglas (Alley Mills), Ginger (Tara Buck)

Lived in an American suburb during the wonder years, spend some time as insane sister-in-law to an elder fashion tycoon and finally ends up as a toy in a vampire bar.
This woman has seen it all.